Three years ago this week, I left NYC and checked into Castlewood Treatment Center. Three years ago I made the unbelievably terrifying decision to put everything (and everyone) else on hold and put my life, my health, my recovery first. Three years ago I never thought I would make it here.
If you’ve never heard the extent of my story, my fight to survive my eating disorder and take back my life, check out the blog I posted on the 1 year anniversary (and the first time I’d publicly talked about my struggle). Now, looking back, these last three years feel like an entirely different life.
I’ve been extremely fortunate to be able to transform my life from one consumed by self-hatred, insecurity, and shame to one of compassion, vulnerability, and freedom. I make the choice daily to choose love…despite my countless flaws I’ve learned that loving myself is the only way I’ll ever be able to show that same love to those around me.
“We cultivate love when we allow our most vulnerable and powerful selves to be deeply seen and known, and when we honor the spiritual connection that grows from that offering with trust, respect, kindness and affection.
Love is not something we give or get; it is something that we nurture and grow, a connection that can only be cultivated between two people when it exists within each one of them – we can only love others as much as we love ourselves.
Shame, blame, disrespect, betrayal, and the withholding of affection damage the roots from which love grows. Love can only survive these injuries if they are acknowledged, healed and rare.”
Brené Brown, The Gifts of Imperfection
I share this because when I began my fitness career, I knew I wanted to be a healthy voice in this community. I wanted to turn my struggles into understanding, my flaws into connections. When I choose to be vulnerable, it gives me back my power. It allows me to own my story. My question to you is, are you? Are you allowing yourself to be deeply seen and known? Are you choosing to live vulnerable or are you letting shame dictate your voice?
If I can help, or point you in the direction of someone who can, please reach out. Seriously. Lets finish 2016 stronger than ever.
Love and light,
Ps – As the summer months come to a close, there is so much on the horizon and I’m elated to share them with you! Retreats, new classes, challenge pose wrap-up blogs, Cycle for Survival, and MORE retreats!
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